Couples Therapy

When I think about relationships, I look at whether the couple has the basic and essential building blocks that create a good relationship. First, the couple must communicate successfully. It is necessary to talk about issues (many couples don’t). Further, this requires having good communication skills, such as letting your partner know that you heard them, stating your own feelings and the like.

But beyond this, successful communication is affected by two other factors: each person’s style of relating and his or her own emotional sensitivities.

Couples need to engage each other with a constructive style rather than an ineffective or destructive one, such as blaming, dominating, or passive resistance. People almost always have good intentions but quite often are unaware of their style and the impact of their style on the other is often not recognized. Negative and ineffective styles have consequences, such as creating resentments, hurting the other or simply making things confusing. The impact of styles is crucial.

The other main factor is that everyone has certain emotional sensitivies that they may or may not be aware of that cause them to react to their partner. Each person needs to become aware of these sensitivities and take responsibility for them so that they are not in some way put on the other. ‘Owning your stuff’ is a huge step towards a positive and tension free relationship.

In most situations these are the main things I will help you work on in couples therapy.